Why are you still here?
by misskuta
Summary: Jasper stays after all the cullen's leave forks. He has been in love with Bella for a while but is to worried about how Bella will react to tell her. OOC BellaXJasper
1. Chapter 1

I do not own twilight.

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It has been three week since Edward had left me standing in the woods all alone, with no real explanation as to why he was leaving, all he said was the family had to leave. I still sleep with my window open in hope that he might just realise that we are meant to be together forever and come back for me, I can always hope.

I was still not sleeping that well at all, so when I heard a noise out side my window at one o'clock this morning I was hopeful but knew it wouldn't be him, but the last person I thought it would be was now standing in front of me looking worse than I felt. Jasper.

"Why are you in my room?" I ask.

"I haven't let you out of my sight for the last three weeks, Bella."

"That's not what I asked, Jasper. Tell me why you are in my room."

"Simple, you need to sleep, look at yourself, you're a mess."

"Yes, I know I need to sleep, thanks for pointing out that I look a mess but I think I have a good reason to look that way, don't you think? But that still doesn't tell me WHY you are in my room." By this point I was starting to get really angry and just wanted straight answers. Jasper must have been able to fell the anger rolling off of me as he was quick to answer.

"I am here to put you to sleep, now get into bed." He snapped back at me. I jumped into bed as fast as I could, I knew not to make Jasper angry as he didn't always have the best control around me, the last thing I needed right now was a blood thirsty vampire in my room with no one to help me.

As soon as my head hit my pillow I was out cold, the next I knew I was waking up screaming with Jasper holding me. All he said to me was to lay back down so he could put me back to sleep. I did as he asked to tired to care about anything else.

Thank god Charlie had left to go on a four day fishing trip, when Jasper finally let me wake up, it was no longer Friday it was now Sunday morning, I couldn't believe I had slept through Saturday. As I made my way back into my room after having a shower, something to eat and drink a thought came to me, how had Jasper been able to stay with me that long, we had never been left alone for more that a few minutes at a time because Edward had thought that Jasper was to unstable to be around me? When I reached my bedroom door I realised he had left with out even saying goodbye. I felt a strange tug in the pit of my stomach, not knowing what that meant I tried to forget about it and started up my computer knowing that Renee would have sent about one hundred emails since the last time I checked two weeks ago. I wasn't looking forward to them and I defiantly wasn't looking forward to going to back to school tomorrow, but I knew it was time to start getting my life back into some order. Maybe Jasper will be there and I could find out what he was still doing in Forks.

I woke to the sound of my alarm clock two hours after I finally fell to sleep. As I got up and started to go about getting ready, I found myself looking forward to getting to school, maybe, I thought to myself, it was more about seeing Jasper than actually having to attend classes. I don't know what had gotten into me. After he left yesterday I couldn't stop thinking about him. Why did he want to help me? Why was he still in Forks? Why had he not gone with Alice and the rest of the Cullen's? Questions like this just kept going around in my head all day and night, and I was going to find out the answers today, hopefully. As I pulled into the parking lot of the school I searched through all the students standing around to see if I could see Jasper there, I had no luck, I waited until the last second before I ran to class just in case he was running late, but still no Jasper.

That night as I struggled to find sleep my thoughts turned to Jasper. Why, if he said that he had not let me out of his sight for the last three week, had he not turned up at school today? Why had he left me on Sunday with out a word as to when I might see him again? This was starting to really annoy me, I needed answers. I thought that I might be able to start living again after Edward had left me, with the help of Jasper. Now he has left me too. I couldn't help the tears that started to roll down my face. I stayed there like that for what seemed like hours unable to stop the tears when I heard Jasper at my window asking me what was wrong. I sat bolt upright, heart pounding thinking I must have imagined his voice as I could not see him at my window. I turned to search my room and saw him sitting in the corner at my desk. The tears turned in to sobs as I said to him with a shaky voice,

"I thought you left me just like everyone else."

"I only went to hunt, Bella. I didn't think it would make you so upset."

"I'm sorry, you left with out saying anything and you didn't come to school today, what else was I suppose to think?" I said as my tears stopped and I found my voice again.

"I'm sorry, I guess I should have said something but i really, really needed to go hunt. I promise to never take off with out telling you why. OK?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"OK. Now jump into bed and I will help you sleep."

I didn't want to sleep just yet I had so many questions I needed to ask him. So I took a deep breath and started with the first thing that came to me.

"Why have you been watching me?"

"Bella, please, it's time for you to get some sleep. I promise to answer all your questions later. Now please get into bed."

"You're not going to leave are you?"

"I will still be here when you wake up."

I looked at him as I got into my bed, not really trusting that he wouldn't leave.

"I promise." He said. He must have felt my hesitation.

As I slowly woke up, my eyes drifted around my room in search of him, I started to panic when I couldn't find him. Just then he jumped back into my room through the open window.

"Sorry, Charlie was awake and I didn't want him to catch me in your room. He just left for work."

"Right." That was all I could think of saying.

"Now you need to get ready for school while I go change. I will be back and we can go to school together." He said as he jumped out the window not waiting for a reply.

I knew he was trying to avoid answering my questions. But I was going to make him answer if he liked it or not.

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	2. Chapter 2

I don't own twilight.

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School today was the same as always except every now and then someone would ask why Jasper was at school when the rest of the Cullen's where away. I didn't know what to say, so I just said "I don't know why don't you ask him?" I knew no one would ever think of asking Jasper, so I thought it was an easy out for for both of us.

Lunch was pretty unsatisfying, I tried to ask Jasper some questions but he said that it was not the time or the place to talk about that. I was starting to wounder if I would ever get any answers out of him. He had been deep in thought nearly all day and would not talk to me about it. I decided that if I didn't get any answers tonight I was going to refuse to go to school until he talked to me.

After school we drove back to my house in complete silence. Once I was inside the house he told me he was going for a few hours and would be back later to help me sleep and turned around and left. I didn't think anything of him leaving I new he would probably be hunting and I would see him tonight after Charlie was asleep. I set about doing my homework and catching up on the three weeks of school I had missed. Before I knew it, it was time to get dinner started, Charlie would be home in about an hour and he was always hungry after been at work.

After dinner I replied to Renee's emails and got myself ready for bed. While I waited for Jasper to return I thought of some questions that I thought would be easy for him to answer and hopefully get him to start talking to me about what was going on. It wasn't long before Charlie went to bed, I knew Jasper wouldn't be to far away and would be here soon. I sat on my bed for two hours waiting before sleep claimed me. I woke with a start in the morning worried that something might have happened to Jasper only to find him sitting at my desk reading one of my books.

"Good morning." I said. "I waited for you last night but fell asleep. I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm sorry I was gone so long I had to take care of some things. What did you want to talk about?"

"You know what I want to talk about, Jasper."

"We will talk about it later when we have more time, go get ready for school."

"Jasper, I am not going to school until you talk to me."

"Don't be so childish Bella. Get dressed."

"No Jasper." I yelled. I had had enough and I wanted answers now. And I was not going to put up with been treated like a child. I had enough of that from Edward, always telling me what I should and shouldn't to.

"Why are you still here when everyone else has left?"

"I'm not ready to talk about that." He said sounding sad. I let that one go for now, not wanting to upset him.

"OK, fine, tell me why you were watching me for three weeks before you came to my window."

"I didn't plan on coming to your room that night but I could feel how drained you felt and just wanted to help you sleep. I was staying away from you because I didn't want to make it harder on you. I could feel how upset you were with everyone leaving."

"That first night that you came to me, how could you stand to stay with me the whole time I slept. Wasn't it uncomfortable for you?"

"I have alot more control than anyone ever gave me credit for. I wasn't uncomfortable until a few hours before I woke you up, that is why I left in such a hurry."

We continued talking for a few hours, but I still felt that there was more to it than what he was telling me. Not every thing made sense.

Later that night when Jasper returned he helped me with some homework I had been having a hard time with before I got into bed. I lay on my bed, Jasper sitting at my desk and we talked about places he had been and things he had seen. I never realised just how interesting his life had been. After a while I started to fall a sleep, I asked Jasper to come lay with me on the bed.

"I don't think that is a very good idea Bella." he replied.

"I trust you Jasper, you said yourself that you have more control than what everyone gave you credit for. If you get unconfortable while I am a sleep you can go sit back by my desk."

"Fine. Just until you fall a sleep."

"Thank you, Jasper."

As he sat down on the bed I could already feel myself drifting off to sleep. I stired a few hours later and could feel Jasper's arms around me, I tried to get a bit closer to him but he pulled away from me. I turned over to look at his face and I was surprised at the look of pain I saw.

"Jasper, whats wrong?"

"I'm sorry Bella, I shouldn't have done that, I have no right to be holding you."

"It's okay, I kind of liked it, it was comforting. Will you hold me while I go back to sleep please?" It really was comforting I wasn't just saying that to make him feel better. It was like I some how belonged there.

"Are you sure?"

"MMM" I replied already half a sleep. I felt his arms snake back around me.

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Review please. I will thank you now incase I don't get to later.

Thank you, all.


	3. Chapter 3

I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT.

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By the time the weekend came around I knew it was time for Jasper to answer all my questions. He had been acting so strange around me since that first night he was in my bed with me. He still held every night but I still saw that same look of pain on his face a few times.

"Jasper?"

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"Nothings wrong, I was just thinking that maybe today we could go for a walk in the woods, and maybe talk some more. Is that OK?"

"Sure. I will meet you back in a few hours. I need to go hunt if I am going to stay with you all weekend."

It hadn't occurred to me until then that he hadn't been hunting in three days. How was that possible? When ever I had stayed at the house with Edward, Jasper had to hunt every day. The last few months had been worse, sometimes he would stay away from the house altogether. So why was he now able to be around me for days without having to hunt? I hope he isn't pushing his control just to keep me happy. I understood he had to hunt, I wasn't about to get upset with him, it was something he had to do.

The next few hours I spent thinking. Thinking about Edward, the rest of the family and Jasper. The one thing that really played on my mind was how I was feeling about Jasper. All I knew was that for three weeks I felt…..lost, like my whole life had been ripped from me and I had nothing left, I was functioning on auto pilot. When Jasper turned up that lost feeling started to leave me, now it was gone totally. Was I happy? Could I live my life without Edward? If I had to answer that last question a month ago, the answer would have been no. Now I felt like I was getting my life back, and that was thanks to Jasper. I was sure if he didn't come to me I would still be feeling lost. Was Jasper all I needed to get through my life? If so what did that mean for him and me? Surely he would be leaving soon, he would have to get back to Alice, it must be hard for him to be away from her for so long they had been married for nearly sixty years. They had to be missing each other quite badly. Alice had once told me that the most time they ever spent away from each other was only a night or two, and that didn't happen very often. But I didn't want him to go. Was I starting to have real feelings towards Jasper? I knew that when he held me it was comfortable, no it was more than that it felt like that was where I belonged. I was startled from my thoughts when there was a knock on the door, I looked at the clock hanging on the wall, had I really been sitting here for two hours just thinking. God that time went fast.

"Come in." I called knowing it would be Jasper.

"You ready to go?" He asked as he stepped through the front door.

"Yep. Lets go."

It felt like we had only been walking for about five minutes when we came to a stop, I had been so lost in my thoughts I hadn't paid any attention to how far we had gone. Not only that, I hadn't noticed that Jasper was holding my hand. Even though I could feel the coldness of his skin, I felt a warm feeling come over me. It felt….right. I quickly pulled my hand from his and went to sit on a log on the other side of the clearing. Jasper came and sat on the ground in front of me. I took a deep breath and started.

"Do you miss Alice?" I asked shyly.

"Of course, I miss all of them." He said, sounding a little shocked.

"It must be hard for you to be away from her all this time." I had to push if I was going to get the answers I needed.

"Not really. Alice and I have spent a lot of time apart the last few months."

"Why?"

He took a moment before answering.

"Alice and I…" He stopped and took a deep breath. "Alice and I got divorced last month."

"What?" I was in shock. It couldn't be true Alice would have said something to me if they had been having problems, I was her best friend.

"We started to drift apart about four months ago. She stopped wanting to spend all her time with me and I could feel how uncomfortable she was when we did spend time alone. I tried to talk to her about it but she didn't want to. She would just say 'not now Jazz'."

I didn't know what to say. Neither of us said anything for what seemed like forever. I broke the silence.

"Is that why you stayed away from the house so much?"

He looked at me with a shocked expression.

"You noticed that? I guess it was part of the reason, but I had other things on my mind as well."

"Did she give you a reason as to why this happened before she left?" I couldn't believe Alice would leave with out talking to Jasper about what happened.

"Yes, just as they started to get ready to leave she pulled me aside and told me. It only confirmed what I though was the reason."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Not really. I am over it all now. I know what I have to do with the rest of my life. Maybe one day I will tell you, but not yet. Okay?"

I nodded.

"Was that the reason you stayed in Forks, what happened with you and Alice?"

"No, I had already made up my mind to stay, but she confirmed that my life was here and that I was making the right decision by staying."

"What does that mean, your life is in Forks?"

"It's a long story, Bella. I don't think you will want to hear it."

I was going to get it out of him, I need to know if he was going to stay or leave me as well.

"That's okay, I like long stories, will you tell me please?" I said as cheerfully as I could.

"Okay, but I don't think you are going to like what I have to say."

He wouldn't even look at me, he just stared at the grass in between us as he started to talk.

"It all started a few weeks after Alice and I started to drift apart. I started to have feelings for someone else. I don't know if Alice had a vision of this and that is why she pulled away from me, she never told me that. That is why I was staying away from the house so much, I had it think things through. This other person I have feeling for was with another guy. I couldn't come between them, they looked so happy together. As time went on it became harder and harder for me to see them together, I would just stay in the woods on my own so no one else would feel what I was feeling, I knew I was projecting my feeling but I couldn't stop it. Esme has a little cottage not far from the house so I would spend a lot of time there. When Alice told me that I had made the right decision to stay she also told me that everything would work its self out, I just had to give it time."

He paused for a moment before looking at me with that same pained look on his face. I couldn't stop myself from grapping his hand and giving it a light squeeze silently telling him that it was OK and to continue when he was ready.

When I realised he wasn't going to continue I asked,

"Can you tell me who this other person is?"

He pulled his hand out of mine and continued,

"I'm not ready to tell you yet, but I am sure if you think about it you can work it out for yourself."

What did that mean? Did I know this person? Had I seen them together? I knew I had to let it go for now, I wasn't going to get anything else out of him about that today. So I changed the subject.

"I have noticed that you haven't been hunting as much as you normally do when I am around. What changed?"

"At first it was really hard for me it be around you but I got use to your smell and it slowly became easier for me. I only need to hunt two or three times a week now, not every day. The

blood-lust gets better the more time I spent with you."

"OK. As long as you're not pushing your self to keep me happy."

"I would never put you at risk, Bella."

"I know."

His mood changed then and I couldn't work out why. It was almost like he was angry at me for some reason. Just then it started to rain.

"I think it's time to get you home before you get sick."

He didn't say another thing to me the whole way back to my house. I didn't mind it gave me time to think about what he had told me. When I opened the front door I was surprised when he didn't follow me in, I turned to look at him.

"I will be back later, okay?" That took me by surprise, he told me he was going to spend the weekend with me. Why the change of mind?

"Is everything okay?"

"I just need to be alone for a while, sorry."

"That's fine. Just know that I will listen if you want to talk about it. I am really happy that you told me this. It clears up a few questions that I had." Then he left.

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A/N okay guys I need to know what you think. should bella work out that it is her that jasper has feeling for in the next chapter or no yet?

please review


	4. Chapter 4

I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT!!!!

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I sat alone in my room all afternoon thinking about what Jasper had told me. I still couldn't believe that they had gotten divorced, in my mind it threw the whole world out of balance, they seemed so perfect for each other. The other thing I was thinking about was, who this other girl was that he had feelings for? Is that who he kept taking off to see? It had to be someone that lived near by or else Jasper wouldn't have said that I should be able to work it out myself. Maybe she goes to our school, it could even be one of my friends but I hadn't seen Jasper talking to any of them. This was confusing. How was I going to work it out with no information from him?

I must have fallen asleep as I was awoken by the sound of my phone ringing.

"Hello." I said still sleepy.

"Bella, it's Jasper, I'm not going to be able to make it to your place tonight, will you be okay by yourself?"

"Um, sure, I'll be fine." I replied a little confused.

"Look after yourself and I will talk to you soon, bye."

"Bye."

As I crawled into bed I couldn't help but think that I had said or done something wrong and that was why he was staying away. When sleep finally came to me it wasn't very peaceful. When I could no longer stand all the tossing and turning I decided to go do a load of washing and get the house cleaned up before Charlie got home. Through out the day my thoughts kept turning to Jasper. I was feeling a longing to see him again. I put it down to just wanting to make sure he was alright. That's all it could be, right…? He couldn't have feelings for me, he would have said if it was me. It had to be someone else….Right? I tried to put that thought out of my mind as I got started on making dinner, Charlie would be home soon and I knew he wouldn't want to wait to long to eat. But I could help but think about it, it couldn't be me, could it. It kind of made sense if I thought about it. He had said that the person WAS with someone not IS with. I was no longer with Edward. He also said that it was hard for him to see them together, which could be why he left the house whenever I was there. The more I thought about it, the more it kind of fit. It could be me. Hopefully Jasper would be at school tomorrow so I could try and figure it out with out asked him directly and making a fool of myself if it wasn't me. But I couldn't help thinking am I ready to be with someone else? Edward had been a large part of my life for so long, could I move on so quickly? I know we had our problems but I did love him. Looking back at our relationship I could see how controlling he liked to be, how over protective he always was. But that was just him. I think if it was the right person and we took things slow, I could move on.

I fell asleep thinking of questions I could ask Jasper about this other person to try and get more information from him, before I asked him out right if it was in fact me.

Once I pulled into the school parking lot I started to feel a bit nervous about what I was going to ask him. I sat in my truck waiting for him to turn up, but by the time the first bell rang I was already pulling out of the parking lot headed for the Cullen's house. If he felt he couldn't face me, I would make him. I was not going to let him hide away from me.

Jasper must have heard my truck coming; he was waiting by the front door when I pulled up.

"What are you doing, why are you not at school?" He sounded a little pissed at me.

"Why aren't you at school? Why have you been hiding from me? I tried to call you a couple of times but you let it go to voice mail." I bit back at him.

I had to try and not laugh at the look on his face; he was really having a hard time in figuring out how to answer me.

"Jasper just talk to me, please. Tell me what is going on in that head of yours."

"Bella, I can't. Have you not figured it out yet?" He asked so quietly I could only just hear him.

"I think I have, but I need for you to tell me. I need to hear it from you. Please."

"It's you." He whispered as he turned his back to me and walked into the house and shut the door….shutting me out.

I wasn't about to turn round and let him be, it was time to start talking. Really talk, if he liked it or not. I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down and walk into the house.

"Jasper?"

No answer.

"JASPER, I know you can hear me."

"What?" He snapped at me.

I could feel my anger starting to build.

"Get your ass down here NOW." I yelled.

"Why, so you can tell me how wrong my feelings are and that you want me to stay away from you."

I didn't realise how much this was hurting him. I couldn't believe he didn't know how much I needed him, how much he had helped my this past week. If it wasn't for him I would still be in bed not talking to anyone. I took a deep breath to settle my anger, now was not the time to be angry.

"Jasper, please. Come and talk to me. I don't want you to stay away from me. Please."

"I can't Bella. Not yet."

"OK. I am going to get a book and go out in to the back garden and read. When you're ready to talk come find me."

It must have been about two hours before I heard the back door open and close.

"I didn't know if you would still be here." He said as he walked slowly over to me.

"Of course I am. Where else do I have to go? Are you ready to talk about this now?"

"I guess." He replied as he sat down next to me.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I spoke.

"Why don't you start from the beginning? From when you realised you had these feelings."

"They started not long after Alice started to pull away from me. It was one of the weekends that you stayed at the house. I could hear you and Edward in his room laughing and just mucking around when I felt this strong feeling of jealousy come over me. It was so strong I had to get out of the house. That was the first time I stayed at the cottage. After a while even see you together at school got hard for me. I went to Carlisle to talk to him about how I was feeling and how I was thinking that maybe I should leave Forks for a while. He asked me if that was what I really wanted. I told him no."

He turned to look at me with a smile on his face. I took this moment to ask a question.

"So you where leaving the house to get away from me, not because of the smell of my blood?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry Jasper."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. You didn't know how I was feeling. And I wasn't about to tell you, you where with Edward, and technically I was still with Alice. Plus I had to stay away from Edward as much as possible so he wouldn't pick up something in my mind. The last thing I wanted was to hurt either of you. You both looked so happy whenever I saw you together. Not much else happened until the family started to make plans to leave. When I asked Alice what was going on she told me about the vision she had about us and that was the real reason she was pulling way from me. She told Edward and the rest of the family about it. They had been having meetings about what they thought was the best of the family but never told me about it. I think that is what hurt the most, them planning my future without me having a say as to what happens. I felt….betrayed."

"So you're telling me that for months Alice and Edward had planed on leaving and let us go on thinking that nothing was wrong. How could Edward to that to me I loved him." I interrupted as I started to cry.

"No. The family didn't make the decision until the morning that they left. Bella, please don't cry. I can't stand to see you hurting like this. Please."

I could feel the calming waves he sent my way. When I stopped crying he asked me if I would like to continue or stop of today.

"I think I need to stop for now. I need to think about this."

"Come on I'll drive you home."

Nothing was said the on the drive to my house. When we reached my house I asked him to come back tonight because I didn't want to be alone, he said he would.

I walked into the empty house and fell to the floor sobbing like a crazy person. I couldn't understand how everyone could keep this from me like I was a little child and couldn't make up my own mind. By doing what they did, they took away everything that I loved in my life. I would never forgive them for this, how could I?

When I heard Charlie drive up the driveway, I jumped up off the floor and ran upstairs to have a shower, I couldn't let him see me like this. As I walked from the bathroom to my room I called out to Charlie,

"Sorry I haven't done anything about dinner, I was thinking you could get a pizza is that okay?"

"That's fine. How was school?"

"I wasn't feeling that well this morning so I didn't go." I wasn't really lying to him. He knew I wasn't one to just skip school because I didn't want to go.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Not really, I'm just going to go to bed. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning."

"Okay, do you want me to bring up some pizza when it arrives?"

"No thanks dad. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

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A/N: First a big thank you to the people that have reviewed my story, you really do help.

Dana Rose: I am so happy you liked the last chapter, i wrote it with your comments in mind. thank you.

I hope everyone is happy with how Bella comes to realise it is her, and i hope this chapter has cleared up a few things.

Don't forget to review please.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Twilight, Jasper, Bella, Charlie or any of the others.

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Not long after Charlie went to bed Jasper was in my room.

"How you doing?" He asked as he took a seat at my desk.

"I'm extremely pissed at Edward, other than that I guess I'm doing okay."

"Don't blame Edward for what has happened. What did he tell you when he said goodbye?"

"Can we talk about it tomorrow? I don't want to think anymore."

"Of course we can. Would you like me to help you get to sleep?"

"No, not yet. I know we haven't talked about our feelings towards each other, but do you think you would be comfortable holding me for a while?"

Without a word he slid into bed next to me and slipped his arms around my body.

"Thank you."

"Shhh. No more talking just relax. We will talk tomorrow."

I finally gave into Jasper trying to put me to sleep about an hour later. I woke up in the same spot I fell to sleep in, safe in Jasper's arms. I wasn't ready for him to let go just yet, so when I felt him start to pull away, I let out a little groan.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"I wasn't ready for you to move yet. I was comfortable."

"Are we going to school today or are we going to stay here and talk some more?" He asked changing the subject.

"I think we should stay here. I covered with Charlie last night telling him I wasn't feeling well, he won't mind if I don't go in today."

"Okay. Let's go get you some breakfast. Don't tell me you don't want to eat; you started talking about food in your sleep about an hour ago." He said as he tried not to laugh.

Twenty minutes later we were sitting on the lounge in the front room ready to finish our talk.

Jasper started talking first this time.

"Same question as last night. What did Edward tell you when he said goodbye?"

"All he said to me was the family had to leave and goodbye. Then he left me standing in the woods. I didn't even have a chance to ask him any questions."

"I can't believe he just left you in the woods, he knows how dangerous it is out there for you. I'll kill him."

"Jasper calm down, I'm fine nothing happened to me. Just let it go. Can we talk about something else? I'm done thinking about Edward."

"You can't just stop thinking about him; he was in your life for so long. You can't just throw that away."

"Yes I can. For him to leave me the way he did, I really mustn't have meant that much to him. I was just something for him to control, even the way he left was him controlling me in a way. As for the rest of the family….they can all rot in hell for there part in the decision to go, none of them even had the decency to say goodbye at least Edward did that. Now change the subject."

"What would you like to discuss than."

"You…..me. Us." I said shyly.

"OK. Before you say anything I want you to know that if all you want from me is friendship, I am here for that. What ever you need." He said to me with his head down, eyes on the floor, unwilling to look at me.

"Jasper look at me please."

He lifted his head but still would not look at me. He was looking over my shoulder instead.

"Jasper." I said as I took his hands in mine.

"I don't want to be just friends with you, but I need for you to understand that I need to take things slow. I'm not ready to jump into a full on relationship. Is that okay? Do you understand?"

I couldn't help but laugh. The strength of his emotions nearly knocked the breath out of me. At least I knew he was happy.

"We can take things as slow as you want. If I do something that's out of the slow boundary you need to tell me, you have control over this." He said look straight into my eyes now, then continued.

"Can I ask you for something?"

"Of course. What would you like?"

"Can I have a hug?"

"You don't have to ask for a hug Jasper, if you want a hug, just hug me, I'm not going to bite." I said as I shifted my body to snuggle up to him. He went one step further by picking me up and placing me on his lap with his arms wrapped tightly around me. We spent the rest of the day on the lounge just like that, comfortable. We talked about anything and everything, but nothing important, we watched a movie and spent a while sitting in silence with him holding me the whole time. It was where I belonged. When I was with Edward we never had moments like this, we never just sat in silence, just been together, he always had to be doing something. It felt wonderful to just be together and not have to worry about anything.

As it started to get dark outside, Jasper heard Charlie's car coming up the street, I wasn't ready for Charlie to know about us yet. With a quick kiss on my cheek and a promise to see me tonight, Jasper took of out the back door.

Charlie was giving me strange looks although dinner.

"Dad?" He looked at me with a smile on his face.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"Sorry Bella. It's just that it has been so long since I have seen you smile so much. I have to keep checking to see if you are really my daughter." He said with a chuckle in his voice.

That night laying with Jasper in my bed, I still couldn't wipe the smile of my face.

"Why are you so happy? Don't get me wrong I love seeing you this happy but you are over whelming me." Jasper asked me as he kissed my neck.

"It's all because of you." I said as I rolled over to give him a kiss on the lips. It was our first kiss and I liked it so much I couldn't stop. It quickly turned into something more than a quick kiss on the lips. Kissing Edward had never been like this. With Jasper there was so much more….passion, I guess would be the right word. I always felt that Edward was never giving me his all when he kissed me, with Jasper it was all there. When we finally did stop he said to me,

"God, Bella. If you're going to kiss me like that all the time and still want to take things slow I might just have to stay away from you." I pulled away from him not knowing if he was joking or not, it was to dark for me to see the look on his face. He was quick to rectify this.

"Hey, come back here. I was only joking. You can kiss me like that as much as you want. Okay." He said with a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

I didn't know what to say so I snuggled into him as close as I could get and took a breath I hadn't realised I was holding. He pulled me to him even tighter. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours before sleep finally took over me. For the first time in a long time I didn't dream of anything, I just slept peacefully.

"Good morning." I heard from next to me as my mind slowly drifted into a state of awareness.

"Morning." I smiled back at him.

"You slept well last night; it was the first time I didn't have to help you."

"It was the best sleep I have had in ages. Even though you didn't use your gift. I think I slept so well because of how happy you make me, so in a way you did still help me."

"I'm glad to be of service." He smiled.

"Well you didn't think I let you hang around me just because of your good looks did you?" I joked.

"Well if that is the case, I'm going home." He said as he jumped off the bed and headed towards the window.

I didn't say anything to him as he jumped out the window, I knew that he was more than likely going to hunt I could see the darkness seeping into his eyes. We had a few hours before we had to be a school; I knew I would see him there.

Before I got out of bed I spent some time thinking about how different been with Jasper was than been with Edward. With Edward I felt like I was always careful with what I said to him and very conscious about how I would act around him. With Jasper I didn't have that, I could be myself. I was beginning to wounder if what Edward and I had had been love at all. In the beginning of my relationship with Edward I would long to see him when we weren't together, but was that just a comfort thing, as time went by in our relationship I lost that longing and didn't mind if I didn't see him for a few days. With jasper it isn't just a longing to see him it was more than that. I don't know how to explain it, I guess you could say that I don't feel whole…..like something is missing. I rolled over and looked at the clock, groaning slightly as it was time to get up and get ready for school.

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A/N: so sorry about this chapter, I had a hard time with it. I think I rewrote it about five times. I'm still not that happy with it.

Please review. Thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

S.M OWNS TWILIGHT NOT ME.

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"Jasper. We need to stop. It's time to go." I said breathlessly as he moved on to kissing my neck.

"Just a little longer, we can miss our first class. It's only history; I can teach you more than they can. I lived through it." He said in between kisses.

"As much as I would love to stay here like this with you, we really do need to go. Everyone knows we are here, its not like you can miss my truck."

"Fine." He said as he sat back in his seat looking a little rejected.

As we walked to class I said to him,

"I think I should tell Charlie about us, if you can't keep your hands off me at school it won't be long before it gets back to him."

"Do you want me to be there with you when you tell him?"

"No. He will be okay with us been together, he has noticed how happy I have been lately and that's all he really cares about. I will head over to the station after school and tell him. That way if he is not so happy, he won't be able to yell at me too much and it will give him time to calm down before he gets home."

"Ok." He said as we reached the door of our classroom.

The rest of the day went pretty quickly. At lunch Jasper told me that since I was going to see Charlie after school he was going to skip the rest of his classes and go for a quick hunt and see me back at my place later.

I have to say that today went better than I thought; no one really cared about seeing me with Jasper. I did however notice that everyone stopped looking at me as if I might have a breakdown at any moment. I was worried about all the questions my friend would have for me but none of them really asked any. Thank god because I had no idea how I would answer any of them, all I knew is that I was the happiest I had ever been thanks to Jasper. The hard questions were still to come…..Charlie. I know I told Jasper that Charlie would be okay with this but honestly I didn't know how he would react, he was ready to go find all the Cullen's and kill them one by one after they left me unable to function as a normal human.

By the time the final bell rang I started to fell sick, my hands were shacking and my mind was going a million miles an hour thinking about how I was going to tell Charlie. I knew I had to calm myself down before I got to the station, if I went in there looking like this, god knows what Charlie would think had happened. I needed him in a good mood, and I looked a mess. _Where was Jasper when I needed his gift the most…..that's right he was out hunting so he wouldn't kill me. Dumb ass. _I thought to myself as I jumped into my truck. As I shifted in my seat to turn the radio on I noticed a folded sheet of paper on the seat next to me. I opened it thinking it was some of Jasper's notes for one of his classes but thought I had better check just incase. I saw my name at the top of the page. It read:

_Bella,_

_Good luck with Charlie this afternoon, I know you said he would be okay about us but I could feel the worry radiating off of you. If you change your mind and want me with you call me, please, I haven't gone far. I know you need to do this by yourself._

_Just remember no matter what he says to you, I'm here in Forks because of you and only you and I'm not going anywhere. _

_You are forever in my thoughts, I miss you already. Keep smiling for me. I'll be back by your side where I belong soon. _

_Jasper._

My heart skipped quite a few beats while I read and then reread his letter. He was so caring, he knew I had to do this by myself but still wanted me to know I wasn't alone. If this had been Edward instead of Jasper, he would have demanded to come with me I wouldn't have had a choice. I was so thankful that they are so different. In that moment I knew I was totally over Edward…..my heart belonged to Jasper and always would.

As I pulled in to the parking lot of the station I took a few deep breaths and reread Jasper's letter to me. I knew I was stalling. I gave myself a moment to clear my head and get my thought in order then got out of the truck and made my way into the station. Charlie was standing just inside talking to one of his co-workers.

"Bella, what's wrong? Why are you here? Are you ok?" He threw at me without taking a breath.

"Dad calm down, nothings wrong and nothings happened. I just wanted to talk to you about something." I said very calmly hoping it would help calm him down.

"Sorry Bella, it's just that you have never been here before so my mind jumped to the worst conclusions. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"I need you to stay calm and not over react and remember that I'm happy, can you do that for me, please?"

"I don't like the sound of this. Just tell me what's going on."

"I'm dating Jasper Hale." I said as softly as I could, thinking that that would some how help.

"Isn't he one of Dr. Cullen's kids? I thought they all left." I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Yes dad he is one of Jasper never left, he stayed behind to keep an eye on me. To be with me."

"At least one of them has a brain in their head. I guess I can cross him of my to kill list, but only if you are happy. I can always put him back on my list if he hurts you."

"Yes dad I am happy. I haven't been this happy in a very long time. Even Edward never made me feel the way I do."

"Ok. That is all I needed to hear. But you tell that boy he only gets one chance and that he is only one step away from going back on my kill list."

I was trying not to laugh at the mental picture I had in my head of Charlie trying to kill Jasper or any of the Cullen's really. I nearly ran out the door to my truck so he wouldn't see me, I couldn't hold back the laughter any longer.

I couldn't wait to get home to tell Jasper that Charlie was okay with it. I pushed my truck to its limits wishing I had a faster car; I just wanted to see Jasper. As I pulled up in front of my house I saw Jasper standing by the front door waiting for me.

"Hey you." I said to him as I got out of my truck and headed to the front door.

"Hey. How did Charlie take the news?"

"He told me to tell you that you only get one chance and you are only one step away from going back on his kill list if you ever hurt me."

I could see the start of a smile creep on to his face as I walked by him to unlock the door.

"So…..his okay then."

"Yes Jasper, he is fine with it." I said as I fell on to the lounge pulling him down with me, hoping to put an end to talking about Charlie.

"So what are we going to do this weekend?" I asked him as I shifted to place my head in his lap, my feet hanging over the edge of the lounge.

"I don't care what we do as long as I have you all to myself." He said as he started to run his fingers through my hair. I loved how he did that. It was so relaxing. It was these moments that I loved the best.

"Well. I was thinking we could go spend the weekend at your place; Charlie's working a double shift and will be gone from Saturday morning till lunch Sunday. What do you think?"

"I would rather stay here than go to my place, to many memories of the past at that house. Is that okay with you?"

"That's fine." I was a little disappointed, I missed that house it was always so welcoming and I hadn't been back since everyone left. But I could see his point about the memories so I didn't fight him on it.

We stayed on the lounge together for a while, me not doing anything, Jasper silently playing with my hair. I was so relaxed that when I looked at the time and realised that Charlie would be home in about an hour, I let out a groan.

"What's the matter Bella?" He asked a little concerned.

"It's nothing really. It's just that I have to get up and get dinner started and I don't want to move." I said as he stroked his thumb across my cheek.

"Well, how about I run out and get some take away for you both, that way you don't have to move and you should have yours finished by the time he gets home, and I can stay with you a little longer. We can tell him we already ate. Sound good?"

"That would be wonderful. Thank you."

I told him what to get and with a kiss on the cheek he was out the door. God how did I get so lucky, Jasper was the answer to all my dreams. I couldn't wait to have him all to myself this weekend. I just had to get through tomorrow and then it would be just him and me, no interruptions, no worrying about when Charlie would be home. Just peace and quiet.

While he was gone I decided to get up and put a load of washing on. I really didn't want to move but I reasoned with myself that if I got it done now it was one less thing that I would have to do over the weekend and that meant more time doing nothing with Jasper.

Jasper arrived back as I walked into the kitchen to get something to drink.

"What are you doing up?" He asked.

"I thought I would get the washing started so I wouldn't have to do it over the weekend." I replied.

"Good idea, that means I get to spend more time with you with no distractions."

"My thinking exactly." I smiled at him.

We had just sat down in the lounge room when Charlie got home.

"Hi dad, your dinner is in the oven keeping warm, Jasper and I just finished eating."

"Thanks." He said as he went into the kitchen.

When Charlie had finished his dinner, he settled himself into his chair ready to watch a show about fishing on the TV. I turned to Jasper.

"I think I should get started on my homework, do you think you could help me with my history assignment."

"Sure." He said with an amused look on his face.

As we got up of the lounge Charlie told us not to be long as it was getting late.

"Okay dad." I replied.

We stayed in the kitchen for about an hour before it was time for Jasper to go. We didn't want to push Charlie to much, he was trying to be nice. As I walked Jasper out to the front steps I told him goodnight and that I would see him in the morning so that Charlie would hear. When we got out side I told Jasper I would meet him in my room in half an hour and gave him a quick kiss.

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A/N: A quick note to let you all know it might be a few days before the next chapter is up sorry.

Thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far. Keep them coming please.

To everyone else that hasn't reviewed so far please please please review.


	7. Chapter 7

**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT.**

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Thank god, I thought to myself as the final bell sounded. I was so looking forward to this weekend, just me and Jasper. Alone. I am a little worried about what Jasper might be expecting to happen between us. I know he would never push me into anything that I am not ready for but I know he would like to take our relationship to that next level. I just don't know if I am ready yet. Don't get my wrong, I would love nothing more than to share that with him but after what happened between Edward and I, the one and only time we tried to do it, I just don't know. And that was something I was planning on talking to Jasper about this weekend.

When I got to Jasper's car out in the parking lot he was already standing there waiting for me.

"Thank god that day is over." I said as I walked up to him and gave him a hug.

"Long day?" He asked as he placed a light kiss on my cheek.

"Not really, just looking forward to this weekend with you."

"Have you got something big planed that I don't know about?" He asked jokingly as we got into his car.

"Not at all, I am spending it relaxing and doing nothing. How about you?"

"I don't know, I thought I might head to Vegas, hook up with some girls, spend some money like I do most weekends."

"Lucky you I have to spend it with my boyfriend hanging around." I was trying so hard not to laugh but his next statement did me in.

"I heard he was a bit of an ass. I also heard that he tries to suck the life out of everyone he meets."

He could be so playful at times and he looked so cute when he was doing it. We didn't say anything else to each other until we got inside my place and I broke the silence,

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Bella."

"Do you mind if we have a bit of a talk tonight? I need to tell you about something." I still didn't how I was going to tell him about what happened between Edward and me.

"Okay, have I done something wrong or has something happened." I could hear the worry in his voice and I could also feel the panic rolling off of him.

"Jasper. Stop panicking you're killing me. I can't handle it." I said a bit out of breath, his emotions really were taking a lot out of me. I fell to the floor trying to suck in as much air as possible.

"God Bella, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?' He said as he dropped to the floor next to me.

"I will be." Was all I could get out.

"I'm going to go calm down, I'll be back in a few minutes."

"No. Stay. Please."

I could feel him calming down already and I was starting to feel better. I didn't want him to feel like he couldn't show his emotions around me, but **that** felt like hell. I knew if he left he wouldn't stop thinking about what had just happened and I needed him to see that I was okay. He picked me up and placed me on his lap as he sat down on the lounge.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I didn't realise how strongly I was projecting. Are you sure you will be okay?"

"I am fine. I am almost back to my normal self. I'm sure you can hear my heart, it's slowing down. I didn't mean to worry you like that. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I didn't mean to do that. It just over took me. Alice said nearly the exact same words to me the day they left and you kind of freaked me out, sorry."

"Come on let's go up to my room and relax on the bed. I think I need to take a nap, you kind of made my tired and not in a good way." I said as I got up of his lap and stumbled to the stairs. As I reached the stairs I felt Jasper's arm around me and then I was been picked up. The next thing I knew he was placing me on the bed.

"What was that for?"

"It's the least I can do considering it's my fault you're so worn out. Do you want me to get you anything….water, food?"

"Jasper the only thing I want you to do right now is get on this bed with me, hold me and relax….please."

Without another word he was by my side with his arms wrapped so tightly around me I thought he would snap me.

"Jasper….baby came you loosen your hold on me just a little, I need air."

"I don't know what is wrong with me today. Maybe I should just go. I keep hurting you."

"You are NOT going anywhere until I say so. Do you understand me? I'm not hurt I'm fine." I said as I put my head on his chest. I really must have been exhausted, no soon had Jasper started to run his fingers through my hair I could feel sleep start to take over me.

I don't know how long I slept; I could feel Jasper stroking my cheek and whispering in my ear that it was time to wake up that Charlie would be home soon. I slowly opened my eyes and my heart skipped a beat, I was looking into the most beautiful pair of eyes I had ever seen.

"Hey beautiful. Did you have a good sleep?" He said softly as he looked in to my eyes. Nether of us could look away from the other.

"I did." I responded as my lips found his. Too quickly he pulled away and said we had to stop before Charlie got home and found us like this.

Jasper stayed in my room as I went down stairs to get a glass of water and something quick to eat. As I sat down at the table to eat I heard Charlie pull up in the driveway. He walked through the door with pizza in his hand for his dinner. I couldn't wait for him to finish eating, I knew once he had he would be off to bed, he had a couple of big days ahead of him and he wouldn't get much sleep at the station. He always tried to sleep as much as possible the night before his double shifts.

As soon as I heard Charlie's door close I ran up the stairs back to my man. He was sitting at my desk reading a book when I walked through the door.

"Baby, can you come sit with me on the bed?" He did so without looking at me. His head leaning back against the wall. I crawled over to him and placed myself between his legs with my back leaning against his chest. It was going to be easier to tell him what I had to say if I couldn't see his face. I took a deep breath and started,

"I need you to know about something that happened between Edward and me." I said as I closed my eyes. "A few months before he left we tried….god why is this so hard for me to say? Wetriedtohavesex." I said in one long word.

"Okay. What do you mean by you 'tried'? Do you want to tell me about it?"

I nodded my head to answer him and he put his arms around me pulling me in closer to him.

"We had been talking about trying for a few days, I told him about how I was going to be in some pain and that there would be some bleeding but not much. He said he knew all that and that he would be able to handle it. But when it came time….when he was fully inside me, he looked at my face and saw the amount of pain I was in and then he saw my tears….he pulled out and jumped off the bed to get dressed, then just took off. I felt so humiliated, so rejected, I cried for hours. And then when he didn't come back that night I thought it must have been something I did that made him take off. When he came by the next day he could hardly look at me, he didn't want to talk about it and I needed to. I needed to know if it was something I did or if it was just that it was too much for him but he wouldn't talk to me." I said as I wiped the tears away that had started to fall.

Jasper stayed silent holding me until I had stopped crying, then he turned me so I was facing him and said,

"I promise you, that when we are ready to go to that next level in our relationship, I will not leave you no matter what happens. I know that our first time together will still be painful for you and I will take it as slow as I can. I won't back away from you unless you tell me to. Ok."

"Ok." I said as he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"I was worried that you might be expecting something to happen this weekend. I just don't know if I am ready to yet. Is that ok?"

"Baby, listen to me. I am not expecting anything to happen, if it did that would be wonderful but we are not going to do anything that you're not ready for. I don't care if I have to wait years for you, I will. I love you Bella and I am not going anywhere."

Oh. My. God. Did he just say he loves me? I must have been hearing things.

He must have be feeling some kind of confusion coming off me, because he placed his hand in either side of my face and looked me straight in the eyes and said,

"Yes I said I love you and I really do, I mean it. You are my whole life. I have loved you for what seems to be forever. I haven't said it before now because I didn't think you were ready to hear it."

It was in that moment that I truly knew that I loved him too.

"Thank you for waiting until now to say it, I really don't think I was ready to hear it before now." I said then gave him a kiss, then continued,

"That first night you came to me, I couldn't really understand why you were there and I really didn't care all I knew was that I didn't want you to leave. When you held me for the first time it was so comfortable, it felt like I belonged there, like I should have been there all along. You brought me back to life and for that I will always be grateful. When Edward left it was like I had this whole in me that I thought would never go away but you quickly filled it with the happiness you made me feel. I never thought that I would feel that happy again but now, I am even happier. I have never been this happy in my life and it's all because of you. For that I say thank you and I love you to."

The rest of the night was spent kissing and cuddling until I fell asleep safe in Jasper's arms.

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**A/N: I know a lot of you want this chapter to be their weekend alone, sorry but I think Bella needed to have this conversation with him to make her realise that she was in love with him and no longer felt anything for Edward. **

**I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Please review, I love getting your feedback. Thank you.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT.**

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews. Sorry about the errors in the last chapter. I started writing it really late by the time I finished it was about 2am. I did reread it but my mind must have been too sleepy. **

**A little bit of lemon in this chapter. I hope it's okay.**

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I felt the bed next to me. Empty. I rolled over to look at the clock; three am Charlie just left for work. I didn't really want to be awake but I couldn't stop watching Jasper as he sat at my desk reading a book, he was so immersed in what he was reading he didn't even realise I was awake.

"Baby?" I must have shocked him, he dropped the book.

"Jesus, Bella." He said a bit alarmed.

I crawled down to the end of the bed, got up and sat on his lap. He pushed some hair back off my face and gave me a kiss.

"What are you doing awake? You should still be sleeping." He asked.

"Charlie woke me when he left. Tell me, what are you reading that has you so absorbed that you didn't know I was awake." I said as I snuggled closer to him.

"Nothing important. Do you want me to come lay down with you so you can go back to sleep, you should have a few more hours."

"Yes I want you to come lay down with me but I don't want to go back to sleep. Charlie's already gone to work so our time alone starts now."

"I like the sound of that." He said as he got up off the chair, wrapped my legs around him and carried me over to the bed. He placed me on the bed, him coming down on top of me and kissed me. When I pulled away to suck in some air he rolled over on to his back pulling me on top of him, and started to kiss me again. I broke our kiss, sat up my legs on ether side of him, and pulled my shirt off.

"Baby are you sure about this?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"I am quite sure. This is my gift to you for been so patient with me, but you will have to be patient with me a bit longer I still don't think I can go all the way yet. Is that okay?"

"Sweetheart, I love you and I am delighted with what ever you want to do; you just need to tell me when to stop."

He said as his fingers lightly ran up and down my back. His mouth coming to my neck as he placed light kisses down to my shoulder and back up to my mouth where he gave me the most passion filled kiss I have ever had. I was in heaven. He sat up, moving both of us so that his back was up against the wall and placed a light kiss on my left breast before moving on to the other, this time sucking lightly on my nipple making it harden. My hands tightened around his neck before moving up to his hair to run my fingers through it. He took this as a sign that I liked it and sucked a lot harder making me take in a sharp breath. With his hands still running up and down my back he moved back to kissing me deeply. I reached between us to lift off his shirt when suddenly he grabbed my hands pushing them away. I gave him a look as if to say 'what's wrong' but he said nothing. So I pulled back from him and asked,

"Jasper, what's wrong? Do you need to stop?"

"No I don't need to stop I just…I just don't what you to see the scars." He said so softly I only just heard him.

I placed my hands on either side of his face making him look at me.

"Jasper, I have seen your scars before why is now different?"

"I don't know. I was thinking….." He trailed off.

"Talk to me, what where you thinking? You know you can tell me anything. How am I supposed to know what's going on in your head if you don't talk to me?"

He placed me on the bed next to him and got off the bed and went to stand by the window, he would not look at me when he said,

"I was thinking that once you got my shirt off you would pull away from me. Alice said she didn't care about the scars but when we where doing stuff like this she made me leave my shirt on; she never liked to look at them. She once told me that they are ugly and ugly shouldn't be shown while making love."

I couldn't believe that bitch. Nothing was ugly about his scars they showed his struggle to get to where he is now. They are a part of him and he is beautiful. I got up from the bed, walked up behind him placed my hands on his shoulders and lightly kissed the back of his neck before saying softly in his ear,

"Jasper, I am not that bitch. I do care about the scars but only because they are part of who you are, and you baby, are beautiful there for so are the scars. I promise you I will not freak out or pull away from you when I see them, I love you."

He leaned his head back on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around his waist. I didn't think now was the time to continue what we had been doing, so we stayed like that for a while and watched the sunrise.

After what seemed like hours, I felt him relax and take in a deep breath. He turned to me and wrapped his arms around me pulling me as close to him as possible then said,

"I'm sorry about that; I thought I would be okay. I knew you had seen the scars before and figured if you didn't want to see them you would leave my shirt on. Then when you went to take it off everything Alice had said to me came flooding back. I want to thank you for understanding and for been here like this with me. I know we both have a lot to get past, but I promise to talk to you instead of hiding stuff away. Can you forgive me?"

What was I meant to say, that bitch had hurt him in more ways than I knew about. If I ever saw her again I don't know what I would say to her. I knew that she would never get to hurt him ever again as long as I was with Jasper. It was time for Jasper and I to really talk and get everything out in the open, all our fears, our hurt and our love for each other, if we didn't, I don't know if our relationship would last. I did not want us to be over, not ever. My heart belonged to him in away that it never belonged to anyone not even Edward. I was in love, really, really deeply in love there was no turning back for me. I was in trouble.

Without saying a word to him, I lead him over to the bed and sat down cross-legged patting the spot across from me silently telling him to come join me. A few hours later and we had everything out in the open, I felt free for the first time in years and I could tell that Jasper was a lot more relaxed as well. I knew he had a hard time telling me the things that he did, he was a male after all and males don't like to talk about their feelings, but I am glade that we did. We can now move forward with each other, without Alice and Edward hanging over us.

Just as I was about to give him a kiss, my body decided it was time to let us know that it was hungry. Jasper looked like he was about to panic when he said,

"Oh shit Bella, you need to eat, why didn't you tell me that you were hungry? What do you want I'll go get you anything?" The panic coming out in his voice. I grabbed his hands,

"Jasper calm down you don't have to go out and get me anything there is plenty of food in the kitchen. I'll go make something real quick."

I got up, made my way down stairs to the kitchen, and made myself a salad roll. When I put the last of the washing up away I felt Jasper walk up behind me, he put his hand on the counter on either side of me trapping me where I stood. I closed my eyes and waited for what I knew was coming. "God." I let slip from my mouth as he lightly bit my neck. I couldn't understand how he could do that and not want to bite me harder. I was not going to complain, it felt wonderful.

I leaned back and placed my head on his shoulder as he continued to bite and kiss my neck. The next thing I knew, he had me turned around and sitting on the bench, legs spread, him standing in between them. He ran his hands up my thighs and under my shirt to play with my bare breasts. My hand went to his hair to pull him in to deepen our kiss. It wasn't enough. I needed to touch him. My hands left his hair and made their way down his back to the end of his shirt, I hesitated a moment then lifted it up over his head. This time he didn't try to stop me instead he lifted my top off. My head fell back against the cupboards behind me as his mouth went to tease my nipple; I had to place my hands on the counter top to help brace myself. I knew if I didn't stop this soon, Jasper wouldn't be able to stop. However, damn it felt too good to stop. His hand on my breast replaced his mouth as he came in for a kiss. I felt my hands grab him around the waist of their own accord; it was as if I had no control over my own body as I let my hands come around to the front of his pants. I undid his zipper and button and slid my hand into his boxer shorts. As I closed my fist around his dick, I felt him stiffen, pull back from our kiss and said,

"Baby, we need to stop."

"I know." I said, but continued to rub my hand over his dick; I just couldn't bring myself to stop. My free hand gripped the back of his neck to bring his mouth back to mine. I knew he only want to stop because of me and I didn't….no couldn't stop. He needed this; he had been so patient with my needs and me. Now I was taking care of one of his needs.

He broke from our kiss and rolled his head back.

"Baby…..please you have to stop." I gripped him harder and increased the fastness of my movements.

"Fuck Bella….God baby…please…harder." I had him now. Now he was just enjoying what I was doing and not thinking so much. I leaned in to whisper in his ear,

"That's right baby, just let go, enjoy, you deserve this, this is all for you. Tell me what you want."

"Please, your mouth. Suck me." He said so quietly as if he didn't want me to hear.

"Is that what you want? My mouth around your big hard dick, sucking and licking you until you cum?" I whispered in his ear as I jumped of the counter ready to get on my knees in front of him.

"God yes, please." He almost begged.

I knelt down, taking his pants and boxers with me to the ground. My hand went to his balls and squeezed a little; he pulled his hips back a bit and lent forward to put his hands on the bench to steady himself. I licked his head then run my tongue down to the base and back up, before I took all of him that I could in my mouth and began sucking him hard.

"Bloody hell Bella. That feels so fucking good. Don't stop."

I looked up to see he had his eyes focused on what I was doing and me. I wrapped my hand around what I could fit into my mouth and started pumping him in time with the movements of my mouth. I knew he wouldn't last much longer as he started to move his hips to help quicken my pace. I reach up beside me to grab a towel that was hanging over one of the cupboard doors, ready for him to cum. I didn't have to wait long, a few more seconds and he pulled out of my mouth grabbed the towel from me as his cum started to shoot out of him. His knees buckled and was next to me on the floor as he reached for me and said in a trembling voice,

"Bella, you are amazing. That was amazing. Thank you."

We stayed there on the kitchen floor until he was able to get up. He pulled his pants back on, lifted me up and carried me up to my bed. He placed me gently down on my side, laid down next to me, pulling me back into him. I fell to sleep with him lightly kissing my neck and back.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know please.**

**I was thinking of maybe doing an out take of what happened that night between Bella and Edward, let me know if you want it.**

**Please, please, please review. I love them all.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own twilight.**

**A/N: A few people have asked why Bella didn't swallow in the last chapter, well it was her personal preference, and it was her first time….so give her a break.**

**Thank you all for your reviews, love them.**

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I woke to find Jasper not in my bed with me or for that matter in my room. God I hope I didn't do anything wrong earlier, I thought he enjoyed it but been my first time doing that I don't really know what I was meant to do. I rolled over to look at the time and found a note next to my alarm clock it read,

My dearest Bella,

I'm sorry I'm not there to see your smiling face as you awaken. It's your fault I had to go hunt. You were just too good to me. I hope I didn't alarm you when you noticed I was not there with you. I promise I will be back soon and I will repay the act of kindness. Now it's your turn to feel this good. I miss you already. See you soon.

All my love to you, Jasper.

I guess that answered my question, I didn't do anything wrong and he was going to 'repay the act of kindness'. God help me.

"Do I have the best boyfriend or what?" I said to myself as I rolled back over not ready to get out of bed yet. I never expected a reply,

"Yes you do." He said as he came through my bedroom door.

"Blood hell Jasper, don't do that you will give me a heart attack."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help myself." He said as he got on the bed and pulled me in for a hug.

"Why don't you go down stairs get yourself some dinner while I take a shower and then we can relax and watch a movie."

"Can we just stay here like this for a little while longer please?" I wasn't ready to go anywhere just yet. It felt too comfortable to be in his arms.

"Bella, I really do need to take a shower, I feel dirty after hunting. We have plenty of time to snuggle up later. Okay." He did rather smell a bit off.

"Okay." I said a little sad. With that said, he gave me a kiss and headed for the bathroom. I heard the water start to run and decided that since I wasn't hungry and I need to shower too, I might as well join him.

I tied to be as quiet as I could as I crept into the room hoping he wouldn't hear me over the water running and his singing. It must have worked because he didn't acknowledge that I was there. At least until I nearly fell.

"Bella are you okay? What are you doing in here?" He asked as he poked his head around the door to the shower.

"I was going to join you, I need a shower too. I was trying to surprise you, I guess I stuffed that up. I'll just leave now." I said and started to walk towards the door.

"You are not going anywhere. Now that you have placed that picture in my head you have to join me." He said as I felt two strong arms come around my waist.

Hell, he was standing naked behind me, holding me, not to mention I could feel how hard he was already. What was I meant to do, meant to say. He didn't really give me a chance to say anything as I felt his hand start to lift my shirt, so I helped him along I pushed my pants down and let them pool at my feet.

"Beautiful." He said as he picked my up and carried me into the shower placing my down in front of him. My back still to him. He grabbed the soap and washed my back, arms, legs, butt and front in that order. When he finished with my front, taking extra long on my breast, his hand travelled down my torso very slowly, my head rolled back to rest on his shoulder.

"Spread your legs a little for me." He whispered into my ear. I complied. Within seconds his fingers were sliding into my folds, my eyes closed. My legs spread even wider. I jumped the first time his fingers found my clit.

"Relax. I'm not going to hurt you." He whispered as he continued to play with my clit.

"I know." Is all I could manage to say as his mouth moved to my neck, his free hand to my breast and a finger slid all the way inside of me. It was too much all at once, I couldn't handle it.

"Fucking hell, Jasper. Fuck,………fuck,……..fuck." Is all I could say is his finger moved in and out. Then without warning he added a second finger and his thumb went to my clit. He had to stop playing with my nipple to wrap his arm around my waist. I didn't think my legs would hold me up much longer. My hands found his thighs to hold on to for more support.

"Baby, relax. I will not let you fall, I have you. You trust me don't you?"

I just nodded, as I let the feeling of what he was doing to me take over.

"Do you like what my fingers are doing to you?"

Once again I nodded.

"Use your words Bella. I need to hear your voice baby."

"Fuck yes." I said as he entered a third finger and sped up his movements.

"Such dirty words coming from you. I thought you were a good girl." What the fuck was I meant to say to that.

"Fuck no. Not when your doing this to me I'm not." I said as he slammed his fingers into me.

"Fuck. Please, don't stop doing that. Harder please."

He did as asked. I could feel my body start to tighten around him. He sped up even faster.

"I want to feel you cum all over my hand, I want to feel your tight walls clench around me. NOW." He whispered as I felt his dick at the opening of my ass. That was it I was gone. All control gone.

"Fuck….please…FUCK ME." I screamed. I felt his arm tighten around me as my body went limp.

"Fuck Bella." He said as he turned the water off and picked me up. He placed me down on the cold tiles he arm still wrapped around my holding me up as he grabbed a towel to cover me with. He picked me up again and carried me to my bed. I couldn't move, couldn't say anything. My body felt like total bliss.

I heard him leave the room, then come back a moment later. I opened my eyes as he sat next to me. Naked.

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**A/N; sorry to leave it there but i thought i would post what i had. i will be taking a few weeks off, my best friend was killed in a car crash last night so i don't feel up to writting right now. i am sure you understand. i promise i will be back**

**thank you. mel**

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